dip's diary

dip's diary


my toxic trait is that i have 58k photos

my names buster but you can call me buss it down

i dont understand directions and i feel like that might mean i'm stupid

i think i finally understand how roundabouts work

i am suspicious of the roomba

todays affirmation: i do not get serotonin from getting a lot of views. i get serotonin from being a good person

i miss my therapist

you know what really cheeses my cheddar

there are 5 basic necessities: food water air housing and roomba

vending machines are so silly

i think gourds are getting weirder looking. maybe its the pandemic

i wish my room could just stay clean

oat milk???? unequivocally bussin

truthfully i think i could eat sandwiches for breakfast lunch and dinner on the daily and never ever ever be upset ever once

extraordinary hummus collection

i get too many emails. way too many emails.

mansplaining cats

scared in a target right now

being a reply guy to all my friends


i need to stop being addicted to coffee and weed and start being addicted to water and vegetables

so many emails every day i hate them they hate me -dan

tony hawk learned to skate from waluigi

a toolbox is just a masculine caboodle 



shorts are just short pants

sometimes i one strap my backpack but then i remember in 21 jumpstreet where they make fun of him for doing that and i get self conscious

my forehead feels extra big today

feet are just hands on your bottom

you're doing your best and that's all that matters

i like the way snoring sounds

can you imagine if you just accidentally forgot to put your pants on one day and you walked outside in the world

the thing about chocolate covered waffle cones is that you really have to commit

i will never forget the first time i bought a thong and my mom and aunt found the pink bag and they laughed at me so hard they couldn't breathe

how do orgies end. how do they decide

my mom is literally ghosting me 

“whatever leads to joy….to more life and less worry” - my dead friends, marie howe

what if we called dogs hot instead of cute or adorable

who am i to know

kinesin is definitely my favorite protein. it be so cute when it's walking along. love u kinesin.

i think celery is gonna be my new vibe” - stephen

i have had one female pet my whole life she was a cat named mary and i was so scared of her we had to give her away to a farm omg im so sorry mary

you don't understand me or god or my stuffed animals

it would be nice to invent a cat basketball court. catnip filled basketball and a scratching post hoop.

you can't just shart yourself in public and not have a plan of action or it’s just gonna be bad -stephen

what if dinosaurs meowed

i feel like a rucksack of potatoes

i hate using the first stall closest to the door. just feels a little too close to public urination

food fight except for instead of any food it’s just mustard

going on a double date with a ham and cheese sandwich

so there i was painters tape on my titties

disco is what’s important

if i can't remember it it didn't happen

is there really no mainstream market for private goat yoga?

friday was nice, and we were friends -crusoe in england

fired for hackysacking

so help me god i will turn this haunted house into a haunted home

ubers are my confessional

writing poetry is simultaneously the most calming and chaotic thing i have ever experienced

you’re telling me a cream made this cheese?

thursday is just secret friday 

dr oz gave me courage

what is shreks full name was shrekethon

sequence is just a sexier way to say pattern

just found out my dad used to put his pizza crust in his shirt pocket….feeling inspired

the world is a themed birthday party

lil yatchy writing act up is literally the equivalent of beethoven writing symphony number 5

i have been thinking that i want to use more ampersands

we as a species need to bring back the monocle

i love how chipmunks scurry. like they’re afraid of something.

don't forget to have fun

halloween leaves no one behind

why do we itch like how does that happen

you will create again

I think about sandwiches so much 

i used to think juicy juice was called arthur juice

with hummus and friends, what could go wrong? 

My skin is made of a shell

And my insides are entirely chocolate

I am an m&m fairy

i'm always bigger than a fish

when i was like 5 years old i used to pray to satan and ask him to be a better person 

i feel like a water bed of flesh

up late thinking about the time i was in 4th grade and i told a bunch of girls in my class that i wrote threw it on the ground from snl

“What do you think other girls do?”

“idon't know but i like what we do”

what do you think the resting heart rate of a snail is

the only difference between a skip and a frolic is the amount of joy you put into it

i would like to live on an island where everyone drinks orange soda

fun fact: q tips were called baby gays when they were first invented

accidentally spelled the word ocean as otion

i used to really fuck with flo rida

i love when spilled gas does the little rainbow thing

everything is running around inside me

the good thing about winter is that you don't have to worry about looking for motorcycles

a thing that really is a genuine real life fear of mine is that people will stop being my friend if they saw what i looked like upside down

do they make wavy pringles? They should

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