1/10/22
my toxic trait is that i have 58k photos
my names buster but you can call me buss it down
i dont understand directions and i feel like that might mean i'm stupid
i think i finally understand how roundabouts work
i am suspicious of the roomba
todays affirmation: i do not get serotonin from getting a lot of views. i get serotonin from being a good person
i miss my therapist
you know what really cheeses my cheddar
there are 5 basic necessities: food water air housing and roomba
vending machines are so silly
i think gourds are getting weirder looking. maybe its the pandemic
i wish my room could just stay clean
oat milk???? unequivocally bussin
truthfully i think i could eat sandwiches for breakfast lunch and dinner on the daily and never ever ever be upset ever once
extraordinary hummus collection
i get too many emails. way too many emails.
mansplaining cats
scared in a target right now
being a reply guy to all my friends
I FUCKING MISS MY GRANDMA
i need to stop being addicted to coffee and weed and start being addicted to water and vegetables
so many emails every day i hate them they hate me -dan
tony hawk learned to skate from waluigi
a toolbox is just a masculine caboodle
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11/11/21
shorts are just short pants
sometimes i one strap my backpack but then i remember in 21 jumpstreet where they make fun of him for doing that and i get self conscious
my forehead feels extra big today
feet are just hands on your bottom
you're doing your best and that's all that matters
i like the way snoring sounds
can you imagine if you just accidentally forgot to put your pants on one day and you walked outside in the world
the thing about chocolate covered waffle cones is that you really have to commit
i will never forget the first time i bought a thong and my mom and aunt found the pink bag and they laughed at me so hard they couldn't breathe
how do orgies end. how do they decide
my mom is literally ghosting me
“whatever leads to joy….to more life and less worry” - my dead friends, marie howe
what if we called dogs hot instead of cute or adorable
who am i to know
kinesin is definitely my favorite protein. it be so cute when it's walking along. love u kinesin.
i think celery is gonna be my new vibe” - stephen
i have had one female pet my whole life she was a cat named mary and i was so scared of her we had to give her away to a farm omg im so sorry mary
you don't understand me or god or my stuffed animals
it would be nice to invent a cat basketball court. catnip filled basketball and a scratching post hoop.
you can't just shart yourself in public and not have a plan of action or it’s just gonna be bad -stephen
what if dinosaurs meowed
i feel like a rucksack of potatoes
i hate using the first stall closest to the door. just feels a little too close to public urination
food fight except for instead of any food it’s just mustard
going on a double date with a ham and cheese sandwich
so there i was painters tape on my titties
disco is what’s important
if i can't remember it it didn't happen
is there really no mainstream market for private goat yoga?
friday was nice, and we were friends -crusoe in england
fired for hackysacking
so help me god i will turn this haunted house into a haunted home
ubers are my confessional
writing poetry is simultaneously the most calming and chaotic thing i have ever experienced
you’re telling me a cream made this cheese?
thursday is just secret friday
dr oz gave me courage
what is shreks full name was shrekethon
sequence is just a sexier way to say pattern
just found out my dad used to put his pizza crust in his shirt pocket….feeling inspired
the world is a themed birthday party
lil yatchy writing act up is literally the equivalent of beethoven writing symphony number 5
i have been thinking that i want to use more ampersands
we as a species need to bring back the monocle
i love how chipmunks scurry. like they’re afraid of something.
don't forget to have fun
halloween leaves no one behind
why do we itch like how does that happen
you will create again
I think about sandwiches so much
i used to think juicy juice was called arthur juice
with hummus and friends, what could go wrong?
My skin is made of a shell
And my insides are entirely chocolate
I am an m&m fairy
i'm always bigger than a fish
when i was like 5 years old i used to pray to satan and ask him to be a better person
i feel like a water bed of flesh
up late thinking about the time i was in 4th grade and i told a bunch of girls in my class that i wrote threw it on the ground from snl
“What do you think other girls do?”
“idon't know but i like what we do”
what do you think the resting heart rate of a snail is
the only difference between a skip and a frolic is the amount of joy you put into it
i would like to live on an island where everyone drinks orange soda
fun fact: q tips were called baby gays when they were first invented
accidentally spelled the word ocean as otion
i used to really fuck with flo rida
i love when spilled gas does the little rainbow thing
everything is running around inside me
the good thing about winter is that you don't have to worry about looking for motorcycles
a thing that really is a genuine real life fear of mine is that people will stop being my friend if they saw what i looked like upside down
do they make wavy pringles? They should